Tuesday, January 31, 2012

Often enough I'd imagine myself chasing colorful strips of sugar-coated licorice. Slowly my legs ache and burn from the determination for what's in front of me. When i've attained it, i shake off the sugar coat.. only to find the accomplishment odd-tasting and pungent.

Still willing to take the risk, still on the constant search for something pleasant inside out.
God damn it! The state of gasping for time, or holding on to whatever remains' draining all the zest in me. Every Monday i enter the cycle:

lessons -> tuition -> hall event -> swim -> supper w friends -> lessons -> tuition -> .... & it goes on..

Barely leaving any time for myself, i rush home on the weekends just for a meal with my parents.. or two if i'm lucky.

But what warms the heart most is always him, him waiting for me after tuition on Fridays just to send me home. Him carrying me to my bed after my many failed attempts of prying eyelids open just for a bit more time spent. Him covering the sheets for me in the morning. Him sending me back to school. Him and all his cute conduct filled with surprises.

What will i ever do without him? :*)

Monday, January 30, 2012

3 days away from turning 21 & i don't know why but i'm feeling the jitters.
Maybe it's an indication of adulthood, otherwise the fact of not being able to deny it anymore.

Thursday, January 26, 2012

Woke up at 7.30am today for a swim.
Everyone go buy lottery you're sure to strike!

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

With the arrival of the dragon year

This annual affair has never been only ordinary.

Year after year, we gather to take pictures, collect our red packets, eat abalones, anticipate the usual lion dance.. and of course, gamble!
2012's Chinese New Year saw less visitors, less red packets, less relatives who flew back from abroad. But what's heartwarming is how the close-knitted ties between us never seem to be able to cease or even crease.

We used to meet weekly. Now less frequently, but still once a month at least.We organise outings occasionally and even have a facebook page (for the benefit of not only better communication but also to mass communicate with those in the various parts of USA, Australia, and Thailand).

In the past we played tag and mushroom and vampire and crocodile and all the games that now remain as only memories. We chose to live in a tent on the field behind the big bungalow, climbed the high walls of the house instead of entering from the front gate. Cooked eggs from the fire we started and played sparkles whenever possible.

Now as we age (gracefully i believe) we sit around in a room, but never running out of topics to laugh about. Less energised physically we've halted the fun games we used to play.

But the few times we went for a walk around the estate, in the park, or along the park connector, the few times we went to the roof to gaze at stars or at the eclipse, the few times we sat by the pool to have our meal together.. is also as fun!

No generation gap is too wide for us.

We hug our grandmother each time we see her. Joke with our aunties and uncles as though they are our friends. Play with the kids (the new addition to the cousins) like we're their age.

We're all blessed with a good grandmother, who've taught our parents well enough to keep this family inseparable.

For many, Chinese New Year is all about the holiday, the goodies, the red packets, gambling, an excuse to buy new clothes..

But for me, it's nothing but a reminder that blood is indeed thicker than water.

Monday, January 23, 2012

These tears won't fall without reason anymore.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Being alone is in no sense similar to being lonely.
For many, meals become savorless or grody once alone. Time pass exceptionally slowly. The hallway feels unusually long...
Quite the contrary. I enjoy occasional moments of solitude.
Strangely, i feel more confident. More undaunted.
It is odd how people parallel Autophobia to insubstantial esteem; it works the other way round for me. I remember walking down the streets of Orchard with my 5-inched heels after a terrible break up. Somehow or rather i was drawn nearer to nature, further from artifice... and this liberation can not be achieved in any other way, but from relishing momentary reclusion.

Nobody wants to be alienated, but to alienate yourself & feel good about it.. is a whole different thing altogether.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

The past few days 've been rather productive: a comprehensive balance of school, exercise, and fun.

I wake up early for lessons, swim after school before having dinner, and read during my free time. Despite being content w my grades last semester, i know i can do better with consistency. Mediocrity's what i don't mind but also something i will not settle for too frequently.
Apart from keeping up with academic competition, bumming around's now also history!

All these efficiency.. somehow makes me look forward more to the weekends, when i can finally let down my hair and just be cradled in your arms tirelessly.

Monday, January 16, 2012

Burnt my sunday doing some physical work with these people but it was all worth the time, and effort! In a bid to raise funds we had our hands dirty from collecting newspapers, interacting with residents, and above all, bonding with one another.
I cannot explain how much i enjoy being in the Dinner and Dance committee, only because all selflessness and patience's demonstrated at it's best.

There's a fine line drawn between posting something cliche and something necessary, and this indubitably falls under the latter category.

Friday, January 13, 2012

I can only grow to love you more :*)

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Gearing up for the academic rigour i find discipline an issue difficult to keep to.

Apart from hitting the pool everyday; in preparation for the swim competition otherwise for my own recreation, i drown easily not in the waters but from the stress built up from competition in school.

Everybody seems to be so caught up with grades that they've lost themselves.

Monday, January 09, 2012

Its 4am into the morning & we just spent the night doing what we've always done together.

We're all so accustomed to being together almost every day that we meet even on the weekends, whatsapp each other every other hour, and catch up for hours even though we last saw one another 1 day ago.

It's been a semester, but i can spend every other without letting boredom get to me.
Thanks for making the fun part of school... more than just fun.

Friday, January 06, 2012

It's a rather nice feeling.

A rather nice feeling between us.

Tuesday, January 03, 2012

Welcoming 2012

Spent my new year's eve at Botanic Gardens with the people that matter.

Two picnic mats filled with a spread of food, booze, and some bacardi.

Spent the beginning of the new year at Janise's place playing cards and eating pizza!
The second day of the new year's spent celebrating again,
but this time for Auntie Sharon (Ben's Mummy)!

Had a hearty dinner at Friends @ Jelita!

The cake from Awfully Chocolate's still lingering in my mouth yumzzz

A good start to 2012 indeed!

You make everything seem so easy

Even when i threw petty tantrums
or troubled you
screwed things up
forgot important things
put on weight
kicked you off the bed,

i love you for loving even the ugliest, ugliest side of me.

Sunday, January 01, 2012

Looking for my typical end-of-year post?

2011's been bittersweet. Riding on emotional roller-coasters, hoping the best for academic acceptance, & entering a whole new phase in my life.

The first 3 months of 2011 felt liberating. Often enough you'd find me out of town, walking the cold windy coasts of Korea juxtaposed with the poor muddy ones in Laos. Satisfying material wants in commercialized Bangkok and cultural curiosity in Chiangmai.
Opening my eyes, liberating my Self.

From then onwards till July I was blinded. Infatuated with someone whom I thought could finally give me happiness again. Little did I know, it was nothing more than a saintly facade. He left me shortly after i received an acceptance letter into a local university. Unveiling the truth I had to face reality someday: he knew there'd be better men. & in thinking that, I know there definitely will be.

Anticipating college life as a 4-year bore was a mistake. Orientation camp came as a surprise, and within a short week I've made the best kind of friends school could ever provide me with. The exciting school life took away my pain, the heart aches, and all the tears I cried to sleep.

Soon I met this amazing guy. Intelligent, witty, but never boring. A determined sportsmen filled with motivation. Keeps me safe and warm, loved and assured. More realistic than the previous, didn't allow me to indulge in my fantasies. I see more of a future in him than anyone else.
And I'm glad that at this time of the year, we've integrated into each other's families- just very comfortably.

We went for a short trip. That was just the start of my holidays. It continued with us meeting everyday (be it planned or impromptu) but never getting sick of each other. Not yet at least, and never I hope! Met up with many good friends this holiday. Hani, Hazel, Jason, Nevin, Shuzhen, Weemin.

Tonight's gonna be as comfortable. Bidding farewell to 2011 with Ben, Ezra and Jackson. I remember the same time last year when Ezra, Jackson and I sat down at Starbucks, talked about everything in our lives before we went to drink. This year it will be the same, except for the guy I love joining us, as well as even better plans; things can only get better, hallelujah!

In welcoming 2012, I only wish for a few things:

1. For the always happy family to remain happy, and my sister to keep safe halfway across the world. I'll see you soon, lovely.

2. For Ben to achieve everything he wants: military scholarship, imperial university, investments etc.

3. For my best friend April to remain happy & never have to cry herself to sleep on my bed ever again. & that the next time I see her cry, would be tears of happiness, because such a wonderful girl like her deserves only the best.

Happy New Year everyone!