Tuesday, January 29, 2013

My belated "2012 is over" post

This sense of fufillment is not just satisfying, but more than necessary at this point in my life. There are just these utopic moments at different points in your life that you wish will always remain.

Today is just one of the many days.

I don't see my boyfriend very often because of his work committments, but i know, and am proud, that his sense of loyalty to the nation is of equivalence to mine. I support his career, and more importantly him, because what matters most is this passion i see in his eyes each time we meet. Of course i don't enjoy his ramble of aerospace theories and physics, or him using me as a working model of his theory for his understanding. But to know that he has finally returned to where he really belongs is heartwarming and gratifying enough. Most of all, i am glad i was bold enough to guide him back to where he is, for he once thought he had lost it all.

This journey will definitely be rough. People call me silly to put myself through the sufferance i saw my sister experience. But i don't see it as a torment at all. I see it as 2 individuals, coming together hand in hand to brace a storm, but still emerge as victors after all.

Then with romance aside there's the platonic ideal of love, whereby a small group of friends is enough to keep you smiling everyday. Without them smiling wouldn't have been a tiring daily affair; only because it's so tough not to laugh with them in your life. In all simplicity, i am more than grateful for you 4, because this friendship makes me look forward to school after every weekend. I have a 3-day school week, and many wished for theirs to be as short. But sometimes, i honestly wished it would be longer, and that we have all our classes together. Then again, it is fufilling to see us as independent individuals while we seem so grossly sticky with one another.

This friendship i value, unlike many others. Only because i see us still friends one decade later, and two possibly, and forever hopefully.

Yes 2012 is over, and many people came and went. My sister got happily married and Huson is the best brother-in-law i can ever imagine. At their weeding, 3/4 of my speech consisted of Huson's attributes, and nothing more needed to be said as i concluded that my sister is in good hands. I do miss living with my sister. We grew up together, close as any sibling can be. I miss the late-night gossiping or heart-to-heart talks till 4am in the morning. I miss peeling the skin of mandarin oranges and longans for her. I miss arguing over our clothes even. I miss her comments on everything in my life, good or bad. Each week this sense of excitement exudes from within, hoping that there will be at least this once we can come together for a meal or some chat.

Perhaps people really left. I know i've distanced from many close friends of long years. Our friendships were never forgotten, but it is difficult sometimes, because i feel like i've grown. Not necessarily better, but i've definitely became more honest, which comparatively makes everything intolerable. I am still learning, and it is certainly my resolution for 2013, to learn to balance what is honesty and the brutality of what i deem is the truth. I hope to learn to be more respectful towards those i love, and i hope this resolution will reap what its efforts sow.

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